The Best Thing

Note on Desperate Housewives: Um, did any of us believe that BS reason for Jackson's proposal? Or Susan's sudden declaration of love? Or that Jackson's really from Canada (though it is a wink for his time in Toronto)? The only thing that rang true was little Juanita's wearing her mother's makeup. I put my freak on with Dishmama's eyeshadow and lipstick as soon as I could reach over the counter! I still sneak into her cabinet and use her products. Oh wait. She might be reading.

Tonight's viewing: The Next Best Thing--seeing Madonna's bad acting is like macaroni and cheese, hot cocoa at a chalet, hot fudge sundaes. I just love peering into Madonna's world--that with her unfathomable sexual power, she can make Rupert Everett heterosexual for one night. At 36 (41), she's over the hill, barren, speaking with a British accent, and Beta-male Michael Vartan wants to dump her. Madonna takes the pain, kinda smirks through it as she teaches yoga. We know she can twist like a pretzel, which makes her seem so natural, organic, and irresistible to men. My favorite line is when Vartan, unable to resist her hotness, tells her what a great body she has. As if we don't know Madonna wrote that line herself. In my romantic scene with a leading man, I'd have him say something like, "Dish, you have such a small waist and beautiful blue eyes flecked with gray." To me, The Next Best Thing is Madonna's revenge against Julia Roberts. She does Benjamin Bratt (who was dating Jules during filming) and she does Rupert (which Julia couldn't do in My Best Friend's Wedding). I just love her, though she blows all her leading men away.

Andrew Morton has declared the topic of his next book: My Butt. No actually, it's Angelina Jolie. Here's my book about Angelina: Bad dad, strange relaysh with brother, angelic mother, cutting herself, many tattoos, screwed female co-star which is so very interesting and who cares, marries Johnny, marries Billy Bob, makes lots o' movies, Oscar, charity, charity, plane lessons, adoption, Brad, so many babies. THE END!