Today marks the sacred birth of the handsomest icon to grace our civilization: Duran Duran’s John Taylor. Though ancient, he still commands oceans of drool with his perfection. His stooped shoulders and slightly receding hairline (which he covers oh-so adorably with a knit hat) charm us further into pools of ecstasy. He stays young with Juicy Couture, a guest spot on Samantha Who, and the mighty bass which he rocks most triumphantly.It seems like only yesterday that I first laid eyes on precious “Nigel” and convinced myself we’d lived a past life together as husband and wife. It didn’t matter that I was pubescing and he was twenty-two. All the tabloids said he was a virgin and I knew he was saving himself for me. John would get a weird sensation and machete his way through forests to rescue me from my New England prep school. Well, turns out he did know I existed for about thirty seconds but the details are too sordid for my pristine memories. 7x7=49. Happy Birthday, Nigel…
We’re so thankful your parents had unprotected sex in the fall of 1959.
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