Cesar Millan, aka "The Dog Whisperer," inspired me to work with the "energy" of my unruly cat. I pet him and did the pointy thing to get him to calm down. None of it worked. He still meowed whenever I stood, thinking I was about to feed him. After climbing all over the kitchen counters, leaving litter everywhere, he bit off hair and spit it on the ground in front of me. He woke me up for his 3:30 am feeding. Then his 7:30 feeding. Tried to dupe me into a 9:30 feeding. He knocked pens, keys, bottles to the ground to get me to wake up. He jumped near my head and repeatedly touched my mouth with his paw. Only when I yelled obscenities did he stop. Since he responds to violence, I'm buying a squirt gun. I will sleep with the gun under my pillow, waiting furtively for his morning bat-jump onto the noisy printer. I will roll, fire and cackle as he flies across the room in terror. I've been nice for fifteen years and now it's time to get dirty.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Feline Combat
Cesar Millan, aka "The Dog Whisperer," inspired me to work with the "energy" of my unruly cat. I pet him and did the pointy thing to get him to calm down. None of it worked. He still meowed whenever I stood, thinking I was about to feed him. After climbing all over the kitchen counters, leaving litter everywhere, he bit off hair and spit it on the ground in front of me. He woke me up for his 3:30 am feeding. Then his 7:30 feeding. Tried to dupe me into a 9:30 feeding. He knocked pens, keys, bottles to the ground to get me to wake up. He jumped near my head and repeatedly touched my mouth with his paw. Only when I yelled obscenities did he stop. Since he responds to violence, I'm buying a squirt gun. I will sleep with the gun under my pillow, waiting furtively for his morning bat-jump onto the noisy printer. I will roll, fire and cackle as he flies across the room in terror. I've been nice for fifteen years and now it's time to get dirty.
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5 comments:
There's a reason he's called the, er "dog" whisperer ;)
True, Dish sometimes operates above the confines of logic. I shoulda watched poker instead. ;)
Poor Antione :-(
FYI: poker players' faces always have noses :-)
U R bluffing! :-)
You might try some puss in boots whispering a la Cesar. Logical animals of any persuasion should repond to calm reasoning and conversation. Those who prove themselves incapable deserve to be squirted, for even the most brazen of creatures will eventually realize its errors, although it might end up all wet with no source of comfort.
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